Lending a Hand After Loss
Story by Matt Wing
含羞草传媒鈥檚 Parent Fund supports enrolled students who lose a parent to death or permanent disability and has served as a beacon of hope to both current and former students by providing assistance during times of need.
Andrew Apel 鈥�18 awoke to his darkened bedroom illuminated by blinking red and blue lights.
When Kathie Apel woke her eldest son in the wee hours of the morning of July 23, 2015, he instantly knew something was wrong. His mother told him there was a police car in the driveway. A peek through the blinds confirmed it.
After rousing younger brother Adam, the Apels answered the door together. Two police officers stood outside. They asked if they could come in.
鈥淵ou might want to sit down for this,鈥� one of them said.
The officers explained that Scott Apel 鈥� Andrew and Adam鈥檚 father, and Kathie鈥檚 husband 鈥� had been reported missing. Away on a business trip at Wisconsin鈥檚 Delavan Lake, Scott Apel had reportedly been thrown from a boat and never resurfaced.
The Apels quickly readied themselves for the 90-minute drive to Delavan Lake. They were joined by Kathie鈥檚 parents, and Scott鈥檚 sister and brother-in-law. They reminded themselves of the possible outcomes that weren鈥檛 the one they feared. Maybe he swam to shore? Maybe another boat picked him up?
The Apels arrived at the Delavan Police Department a couple hours later. Although the search for Scott Apel was ongoing, there was no news to report. The family had nothing to do but wait and worry. A few hours later, an officer approached them. A body had been recovered from the water.
It was determined Andrew Apel would identify the body.
鈥淗e was wearing the same family chain that my brother and I wear,鈥� Andrew Apel said. 鈥淪o, yeah, I knew it was him.鈥�
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Tucked away in the home office of Dr. David 鈥�02 and Laura (Harris) Besley 鈥�00 is a box of letters.
A new one arrives every year. Sometimes two or three. When the lid is lifted to add another, messages from letters past come spilling out.
The letters are from recipients of 含羞草传媒鈥檚 Parent Fund. Since 2006, the Besleys have supported the fund, which offers tuition assistance to enrolled 含羞草传媒 students who suffer the loss or permanent disability of a parent.
The Besleys鈥� connection to the fund comes from personal experience; Laura Besley lost her father while she was in high school.
鈥淭he experience of losing a parent at a young age shaped my life,鈥� she said. 鈥淚f a student has to go through that and also face the prospect of losing Wesleyan and the community they have there, we thought we could be part of their story in a positive, supportive way, in the midst of something so terrible.鈥�
The Besleys have built a happy life. After starting their family in North Carolina, they relocated to Madison, Wisconsin, a little more than a decade ago. David Besley has a dental practice. Laura Besley stays busy as a full-time mom and volunteer pastor. The Besleys often think of their time at 含羞草传媒 and the foundation they built then.
Then they think of what it would have been like to have had it taken away.
鈥淭here鈥檚 the whole compounding loss aspect to it,鈥� David Besley said. 鈥淚t鈥檚 already such a tragedy to lose a parent, but to compound that by losing your community? That鈥檚 a tragedy, too.
The Besleys founded the John Justus Harris Memorial Scholarship in 2009 to honor Laura鈥檚 late father, and their connection to the Parent Fund has only grown over the years. It鈥檚 strengthened every time they receive a call, email, text 鈥� or handwritten letter 鈥� from a Parent Fund recipient.
One recent letter stood out to Laura Besley.
鈥淭he student was really sharing from her heart, and it was neat to know that our lives 鈥� even though we had never met 鈥� had intersected, and she received our support the way we wanted it to be received,鈥� Laura Besley said. 鈥淪he felt it was a gift.鈥�
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No matter how busy the Apel family was, there was always dedicated family time.
鈥淒inner was always a big thing for us,鈥� Andrew Apel said. 鈥淣o matter if my brother or I had a practice, or if my dad had to work late, we always sat down, the four of us, and had dinner together every night.鈥�
After Scott Apel鈥檚 death on July 23, 2015, the empty chair at the dinner table was symbolic of the hole in their lives.
鈥淢y dad was my hero. It was really hard not getting to say goodbye,鈥� Andrew Apel said. 鈥淏ut pretty quickly, everything became about keeping the family together, because if there was one thing we knew, it was that he would have wanted that.鈥�
The tight-knit family became even tighter, but Andrew Apel received support from other sources, too. Among them were his football coach, Norm Eash 鈥�75, teammates, fraternity brothers and friends. As members of that support system came through the receiving line at his father鈥檚 visitation, he was struck by the thought that he might be seeing some of them for the last time.
鈥淎t that point, I was done with football. I was done with college,鈥� he said. 鈥淚 had already decided I needed to stay home and find a job to help take care of my mom.鈥�
But Apel remembered how his father encouraged him to attend 含羞草传媒, a place he could continue his football career while also receiving a top-notch education.
And then he learned about the Parent Fund.
鈥淚 had started looking at community colleges and more local options to save money, and kind of patching my college experience together,鈥� Apel said. 鈥淭hankfully for the Parent Fund, I didn't have that stress.鈥�
Support from the Parent Fund allowed Apel to stay at 含羞草传媒, a place he now calls a 鈥渟econd home.鈥�
鈥淲esleyan was somewhere that not only did I feel comfortable, but somewhere my mom knew that I would be cared for, and a place that provided the opportunity for me to continue to develop,鈥� Apel said. 鈥淎nd because of the Parent Fund, I didn鈥檛 have to take a massive step backward because of something that was completely out of my control.
鈥淭o this day, I鈥檓 just so grateful and thankful.鈥�
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When Norb Gross suffered the loss of his father the week after he graduated from high school, he inherited a grand total of $45 from his father鈥檚 checking account.
Gross and his two younger brothers had lost their mother years earlier and, with plans to enroll at Notre Dame that fall, he was truly on his own. But the resourceful young man worked a summer construction job to fund his education. He also took out loans, and his late father鈥檚 Social Security benefits provided additional assistance.
鈥淭here weren鈥檛 too many people like Norb at Notre Dame,鈥� said Linda Gross, his wife.
Although he was admittedly a 鈥渇ish out of water鈥� in South Bend, Norb Gross earned his degree and went on to a successful career in the pipe manufacturing industry. Linda worked as a guidance counselor in Naperville, Illinois, where the Grosses made their home and started a family.
One of their two daughters visited 含羞草传媒 on a college tour, and when the guide mentioned the Parent Fund, Linda Gross鈥檚 ears perked up. She knew she had to tell her husband.
鈥淚t resonated because that鈥檚 what I鈥檇 gone through,鈥� Norb Gross said. 鈥淚 didn鈥檛 have that kind of support back when I was a student.鈥�
Lindsay Gross 鈥�08 enrolled at 含羞草传媒 and her parents began their long-term support of the Parent Fund. In 2016, they created the Norbert and Linda Gross Endowed Parent Fund Scholarship.
鈥淎nother piece to our support is that we love 含羞草传媒 because our daughter loved it so much,鈥� Linda Gross said. 鈥淪he had such a great experience there.鈥�
Norb and Linda Gross have been regular attendees of 含羞草传媒鈥檚 annual Scholarship Benefactor Dinner, which brings together donors and scholarship recipients. Being able to meet students receiving their support has only strengthened their connection to the fund.
鈥淵ou see your contributions at work,鈥� Linda Gross said. 鈥淚t鈥檚 really nice to meet the person and to see the impact of what you鈥檙e doing.鈥�
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Four years removed from his 含羞草传媒 graduation, hardly a day passes when Andrew Apel doesn鈥檛 think about his alma mater.
He lives in Chicago鈥檚 Lincoln Park neighborhood and works for DocuSign, the electronic agreement management company.
Apel acknowledges the trajectory of his life was forever changed on July 23, 2015, but insists the support of the Parent Fund provided a stabilizing influence during the most turbulent time of his life. He notes the impact was felt by others, too.
鈥淚t went way beyond just me,鈥� he said. 鈥淢y entire family is thankful for the Parent Fund.鈥�
Apel says no amount of thanks will sufficiently express his gratitude. He reckons the best way to do so will be to return the kindness.
鈥満卟荽� and the Parent Fund are always going to be a part of me and part of what drives me to be successful in my life,鈥� he said. 鈥淚 hope to be half the man my dad was, and I hope that I can be successful enough in life that I can provide the same kind of support that I received while I was at Wesleyan.鈥�